Posts tagged nyc

Let people OFF the elevator before you try to get ON the elevator. Everyone who violates this rule should be punished with a punch to the stomach.

Grocery shopping is annoying in this city. The stores are small, the aisles are narrow, they’re overcrowded and overpriced and then you have to lug your purchases 8 blocks back to your apartment. No fun. Going on a Saturday afternoon, even less fun. I walked in today and immediately have 2 small boys nearly kill me with their carts. Their mother, of course, was chatting away on her phone, not noticing the terror her boys were causing in the produce section. On Saturdays, there are tasting tables every 10 feet. Usually I’m all for free food. When I’m shopping though, I just want to get my things and get the hell out of there. The tasting tables cause so much extra traffic in the already overcrowded store. Who’s idea was it to set these up on Saturdays?! Then, there’s ALWAYS that one parent who leaves her stroller in the middle of the aisle. You can’t go around it, you’re afraid to touch it to move it (I’m not trying to be accused of attempted kidnapping), and you can’t ask her to move it because, like everyone else in NYC, she’s on her phone. My natural reaction in this situation is to just stare at her until she feels my eyes burning a hole through her soul. That rarely works. I survived the trip though and decided that it’s Fresh Director or bust from now on. 

Morning commutes are THE. WORST. It’s early. You’re tired. It’s cold outside. You walk down to the subway. You wait patiently for the train to arrive. It’s running late. Despite the cold weather, you’re sweating bullets under your down coat, scarf, hat and gloves. Finally, the train arrives. You try to enter the car, but there are two assholes blocking the door. You look in the car and see there’s plenty of room towards the center. Assholes don’t budge. You squeeze yourself in, you have no room to move and you spend the next 10 minutes with your face in someone’s armpit. At last, you get to your stop. The doors open and a rush of people are trying to get ON the train while you’re trying to get OFF the train. You wonder how these people missed the memo on how this works. You put on your best badass face and elbow your way out of the car. You’re finally free and start to walk up the stairs. Naturally, you get stuck behind the person trying to carry a stroller up the stairs or the person too busy checking their Blackberry to move with any speed. At last, you’re outside and attempt to breathe in some fresh air before you begin your walk to the office. But nope, there’s a huddle of construction workers smoking and they all happen to exhale just as you walk by. THE. WORST. 

I have been thinking about doing this blog for a few years now. After watching last week’s episode of 30 Rock, I decided it’s finally time. Like the beloved Liz Lemon, I often feel like I’m the only person in this city following the rules. I’m sure everyone reading this feels the same. We all have our pet peeves about this city: People getting on the subway or elevator before you can get off. People who stand still on escalators. People who “upstream” and steal your taxi. It can drive you mad. At least once a day something will happen that makes me think “I hate this city!”, but just as often something magical and uniquely New York happens and reminds me that I love this city so much. Instead of fuming quietly, I’ll now keep a running list of the things that make me want to scream. If you have stories, photos or anything else you’d like to rant about, please submit them!